I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
