What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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