my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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