I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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