I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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