my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
