were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
