no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
