Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
