I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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