i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
