I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
whose parrot is this?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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