So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
