Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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