The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
