I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
