She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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