just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
