see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
