I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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