Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
