This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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