my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He passed out mid-signature
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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