I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
