Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
