She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
