She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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