normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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