Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
