u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
