everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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