My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
