bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
