I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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