She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
