if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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