i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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