watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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