Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
