I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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