A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
