It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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