Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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