just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
