so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
