Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
