1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
