I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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