I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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