I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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