We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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