nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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