he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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