Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
