i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
