I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
