This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
