Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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