the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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