Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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