Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
