Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
