Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
