I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
