he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
