my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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