I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
