I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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